At one point in my life, I had wished that things would be different. That they would have followed a different path, even though I knew better, even though I saw the path. Maybe a part of me wanted to change what couldn't be changed. People always think that they can change the future. It's not so. I should know. I know the future better than anyone.

I always wanted to be normal as a child. Didn't want to see what should have been a surprise, but now, I live with it. Even if I see things that don't please me. I rarely see things that please me. Maybe that's why I'm so 'sour' and 'uptight', as he likes to call me. He's one of the reasons I hate seeing the future. For I see a future that doesn't involve him. For a while, I wanted it to, but now…? I don't know what I want.

When Schwarz first started, Schuldich had done nothing but annoy me. Always taunting and pouting. Just like an overgrown child. A beautiful, sexual child. He did everything in his power to make me hot under the collar, to turn me on. I tried to ignore it, but he knew that I couldn't… I knew that I couldn't. He wormed his way under my skin, and I was powerless to do anything about it. Maybe that's why my visions hurt so much. Because there was so much teasing, so much sexual tension, so much alluding, and it's all for not. But, it worked out for the best, didn't it?

I don't understand his choice in partners, people he gives his body to. I know that I'm nothing like the other one. We are polar opposites, but Schuldich and he are the same. Cut from the same cloth, broken from the same mould. Maybe that's why they fit together so well… At least, for now. The good thing about seeing the future is that I know amusing things before anyone else does. It's like my own inside joke. A joke I now share with him. He laughed, thinking it amusing that Schuldich would get fucked over, while he was doing the fucking. His laugh is sweet, just like him. So unlike Schuldich, yet so similar.

I think Schuldich thinks I don't know what he's doing. I know Weiß doesn't. But, they are stupid. Not as stupid as Schreient, but stupid all the same. It's so like Schuldich to take advantage of a dumb lover. Being Clairvoyant is like being a voyeur. I get to see into the future, into the window of time, with the blinds totally up. I've seen what Schuldich does with him. The way he would sneak out of our apartment after locking Farfarello up for the night, but not before stealing a quick kiss or caress that was only to arouse him for his waiting lover. Farfarello didn't care.

He would wave to Nagi and myself in a condescending way as he sauntered out. Nagi would barely look up from his computer screen, and I would only glance over the edge of my glasses, causing the German to be blurry from my lack of vision. A cloud of fiery hair and the smell of sex. A twinge of regret would pass through me as I saw him walking down the crowded Tokyo streets, puffing on a cigarette, aimlessly playing with the thoughts of meaningless pedestrians. I had always ignored any sort of pleasurable feelings, not wanting it to get in the way of duty. What a fool I was. I could have been the one that Schuldich would meet in a dark Hotel room. It could have been me, but maybe it was better if it wasn't. Schuldich wasn't the type of man to stay in one place, and I needed stability, normality, even if I was surrounded by anything but normality.

Once Schuldich reached the Hotel, I saw him go in, casual and confident. He would go to the room that had been predispositioned. It was always the same room. Maybe he would wait for a few minutes, smoking, lounging. Maybe his partner would already be there. Not today. Schuldich was early. Maybe I could have told him, but I didn't really care. Today he only had to wait for a few minutes. The other man came in, his dark coat blending into the blackness, the back lighting from the hall making him a silhouette, the only colours on his frame being the almost reflective white of the crosses on the arms of his coat and his honey coloured hair.

They don't speak to each other. They just kiss, tangled limbs and clothing, falling onto the bed, their bodies causing friction that made them both moan. Maybe I was a pervert for eavesdropping on this, but it wasn't really my fault. I saw it before it happened. Schuldich probably wasn't even outside yet. Part of me wished that I could turn it off, but another part of me was aroused. I was very sexually deprived. There had only recently been Silvia and my sweet angel. Silvia… There was a name I wish I had never heard. I see Schuldich practically ripping Yohji's clothes off, enjoying the almost embarrassed gasp that the Weiß assassin wrought. He was so meek with Schuldich, even though he was far from that in every other arena. Maybe it was the taboo of fucking an enemy. I wonder if I would react that way if I were fucking a member of Weiß. Like Ran Fujimiya. I almost laugh. What a strange experience that would be. Even stranger that Schuldich and Balinese? I suppose not.

As I see Schuldich's nude, pale flesh, disappearing into the dark sheets, pressing against Yohji's equally nude flesh, I think of all the opportunities I would have had to be in Yohji's shoes, in his position. Why didn't I take those chances? Why am I always living in the past when I can see into the future? I have a perfectly good present, and I can't accept it. It's better than perfectly good. I guess my mind always wonders what could have been, especially when I am constantly accosted with images of a future that could have been mine.

I sigh, flipping a page of my newspaper. The New York Times. I frown. Farfarello did the crossword puzzle. He always does that. What makes me even angrier is that he always gets every answer, when I know that I would miss a few. He's smarter than people think he is. I think he knows about Schuldich and Yohji. The reason I sigh is because I can hear Schuldich moan, and it echoes in my mind, over and over and over and over….. Would he have moaned for me like that? His moans are better, so why aren't they the ones echoing in my mind? I grumble to myself as I see Schuldich parting Yohji's legs, their long limbs seeming to be everywhere. Yohji's body arches off the bed, urging the redhead to continue, to enter him. Schuldich doesn't need any encouragement, and they begin to make love, and that's when I tune out. I place my hands in my lap, crinkling my paper as I remove my glasses, kneading my closed eyes with my fingertips.

Nagi notices that I'm distracted. "What have you seen?" He asks, knowing that it's a vision that upsets me like this. He swivels in his chair to look at me, concern on his face.

"It doesn't matter…." I wave my hand, giving him a nod and turning back to the paper. As soon as I try to concentrate on the small black print, the words swim away, replaced by the image of Schuldich's wild red hair falling all around him and Yohji as their tongues wrestle for dominance in each other's mouths as Schuldich pounds into Yohji's tight channel, ripping moans from both of them as the bed creaks in unison.

I sigh angrily. Why can't I stop thinking about him? I see Nagi look at me again.

"Brad… What is it? Is something bad going to happen?" He asks softly, standing. He sinks down on the couch, cocking his head. "Is something bad going to happen to Schuldich?"

I shake my head. "No… He's fine… He's more than fine….."

Nagi laughs. His sweet laugh that sounds like angel bells. It echoes in my mind, replacing the echo of the moans that Schuldich and Yohji are letting out. Now, all I can hear is Nagi's laughter, so Innocent, yet not. "I'm sure he is…." He suddenly frowns, his delicate face falling. "Why can't you stop thinking about him? Maybe you should do something about it…."

I just shrug, feeling apathetic. The brief flashes of Schuldich and Yohji reaching orgasm strobed in my brain. It made me wish for pure fucking. I was too reserved to hire a prostitute for that sort of thing…

"Brad….?"

I turn, hearing Nagi say my name. I tilt my head. "What?" I adjust my glasses, trying to regard him coolly as the blood in my body travels to embarrassing areas.

"Tell me. Keeping things bottled up never helped anyone."

I sigh. He's very wise. Wiser than he should have been. He's still a child…. But, in so many ways, he isn't. "My vision was of Schuldich……"

"Schuldich fucking Yohji?"

I blink, somewhat surprised by his frankness. My clairvoyance hadn't prepared me for his statement. I sigh. "Yes."

"Does it arouse you?"

"Yes…." I whisper.

"So, why does that bother you?" Nagi leans forward, looking me straight in the eye. "Is it because you're in love with Schuldich?" He paused. "I don't think it is. If you desperately wanted Schuldich, you would have stopped him every time he went to fuck that Weiß hussy. But, you don't…."

I opened my mouth to reply, but stopped when Nagi continued.

"I think you just want the ability to let go and to just have wild, passionate sex. You don't want to be reserved. You want the freedom to just want to purely fuck."

I sigh, knowing he's right.

"I'm sure Schu and Balinese will be licking cum off each other for the rest of the night. Do you really want to sit here all night and wish about what could have been, or do you want to do something about it?"

"I'm not that type of person, Nagi…."

"Do you want to be?" He asks me, his voice honeyed and low. He stands up, offering me his hand.

I look up at him, looking into his delicate, beautiful face. He smiles at me with a seductive innocence, and I entwine my fingers with his own. It's time to stop feeling so powerless, caught by time. It's time to stop living in the past.